The 1960s Guide to Entertaining: Party Etiquette, Ashtrays and All

Summary

Tonight we do a little light reading from the Better Homes and Gardens Guide to Entertaining, 1969 edition, which I hauled across the country in my suitcase because I thought it would be fun. We started with the etiquette chapter, on the grounds that 2026 could use some, and also because I am delivering this to you from a hotel bed in my pajamas, which makes me extremely qualified.

It is four thousand words of a book telling a woman that her entire personality is hospitality, and it is unhinged in the most delightful way. Special shoutout to the section on buying a variety of cigarettes for your guests.

• Candles, apparently, clear smoke from the air "in some mysterious way"
• You are meant to stock filtered AND unfiltered cigarettes in several convenient places
• Exact eating times: tea at 4:00, never later than 4:30. Dinner at 8, or 6:30 in the West and Midwest
• The introvert at your party is described as "the bane of your existence"
• The hostess must stay until the bitter end. The husband may be excused
• Never bring flowers to the party. Send them after, or the evening before

Tell me which chapter you want next: planning a party, party themes, holiday parties, table settings, party games, or the recipes.

Transcript

Hi. Hello. Tonight we're going to do a little light reading from the Better Homes and Gardens Guide to Entertaining from 1969. This book is insane. It has tablescape ideas, ideas for planning a party, party themes, around the clock occasions, special occasion parties, holiday parties, special situation entertaining, special problems, how to entertain in a limited space, how to entertain on a limited budget, how to entertain in a hurry, and how to entertain away from home is what that section is. Then we have table settings and centerpieces, etiquette, party games and recipes.

Tonight we are going to start with etiquette because I just feel like in 2026 the world could use a little more etiquette. And considering I'm coming to you live from the bed of a hotel room in my pajamas, I'd say I'm pretty great at this etiquette stuff already. Let's go.

Okay. Etiquette. Now, I want you to know this says, "A beautifully appointed table and a sparkling clean house let guests know that they are truly welcome. A little extra attention that shows the host cares. I'm sorry. That shows the hostess cares are what makes us feel at home and at ease. Who wouldn't feel festive and welcomed in a setting as lovely as the one pictured?" Honestly, I have no notes. This is flawless. These floaty boys. What even is that? Like, they're trees. I'm into it.

Okay, I'm straight up just going to read to you. I hope that's cool. Maybe I'm getting myself sleepy for bed. "One of the most enjoyable assets of a home is being able to invite your friends to share it with you. This act of sharing has many rewards. You derive pleasure from giving your guests pleasure and in seeing them truly at ease in your home. There is satisfaction in knowing your friends appreciate the comfort and atmosphere you have created and also appreciate your talents as a good hostess."

"You can be a successful hostess. It does not require any formal kind of training or an academic degree but thoughtfulness, caring about your guests and wanting to make them happy. You do this by putting the comfort and well-being of your guests first and observing the rules of etiquette. This is the core from which everything else flows and ensures the ultimate success of your entertaining on all of its levels."

"Of course, we can't be a perfect hostess overnight. There are countless things which must be included. It is also quite obvious that the woman who has had some experience is going to be a little more adept at entertaining than the beginner. She will have learned through trial and error. The beginner is bound to be more nervous, even apprehensive, simply through lack of experience. But the beginner can lessen her apprehension. With planning, thinking, and knowing a few simple rules, even the novice can give a wonderful party, be it large or small, and make it a success, and can enjoy herself as well."

"Etiquette in entertaining is vital. It can make or break the hostess and the occasion. Of course, literally speaking, etiquette means good manners and good manners means consideration for another person. So, again, we come back to thoughtfulness and the hostess's relationship to her guests."

Dang, the font got like way smaller on the next page. So, now we're like with a lot of words. We'll probably skip over a bit here. "Your hostess relationship with guests begins the very moment you decide to entertain. It is then you will determine which friends to invite. Those who are compatible and will mix well together and those who will enjoy the type of party you are planning. After all, inviting the appropriate guests to the right kind of party is important for the success of your party and for the pleasure of those you invite."

I'm sorry. It just feels like they're trying to meet like a word count. Like the editor was like, "No, give me 4,000 words on this." and they were like, "How many can I do?"

Okay, so all the stages of planning including food and beverage, eating time, types of entertainment, ways to dress, getting your home ready, invitations, inviting your guests as the next step. "You, as the hostess, are the one to extend the invitation just as you reply to all you receive." I haven't received an invitation to anything except a wedding in so long. "To families, include the names of both adults as Mr. and Mrs. and of the children, and to singles, including their title, Ms. or Mr."

"Since some of the more rigid rules of the etiquette of extending invitations have been relaxed, many women find themselves a little confused about the correct form of sending requests. Today the simplest way to determine this is to divide entertaining into two categories. Informal, semiformal or formal. The type of entertaining you are planning and the degree of formality decides the mode of invitation you should choose."

And then we break down the different types of invitations to your gatherings. We have informal and semiformal. You can do that by telephone today. "It is the most popular form of issuing invitations for informal occasions. But when telephoning, do make sure you state quite clearly the date, time, and type of party you are giving. It is best to give the recipient a few days notice, preferably a week." Uh you can also suggest what they wear.

Visiting cards. "Today, the visiting card in a matching envelope has become quite popular as a mode of extending invitations to an informal party in place of the written note. The cards vary in size, but are usually about 2x3 in. The post office will not accept very small envelopes, so it is wise to order a more practical size for the envelope. It will be larger than the card, unless you order larger cards to fit." I mean informals, the small fold over cards known as informals are the ideal way of extending informal invitations. Okay, but it could be visiting cards or it could be a phone call. You also have personal notes and preprinted invitations. For formal invitations, you may want to do handwritten. And here are an array of ways that you would do that.

I'm certain I'm not holding this still enough. Okay. Also, real quick, let's go back to the cover of this for a second because look at the lady in the pink and the man in the suit. Like, they're doing something sordid together, aren't they? Cuz they're definitely not married. They're sitting too far apart to be married. What is happening with them? I want to know all the gossip.

Okay, let's see. I liked this one. I skimmed it earlier. Planning for perfection. "We all know that it's the little things that count, little details which add up to make the total picture and which ensure or mar the success of a party. As a hostess, there are many things you can do to add to the general comfort of your guests, and most of them can be done in advance of the party, some even a few days before."

Smokers, you can set your extra ashtrays out before the party, the day before, if you will not be using the party room until then. "Always have plenty of them around. For apart from guaranteeing protection to your soft and hard furnishings, they help to make your guests feel at ease. There's nothing more discomforting to a smoker than a room without an ashtray. Be sure, too, that your ashtrays are a good size and comfortably spaced throughout the room. Have the ashtrays emptied at regular intervals. Don't try stacking up several little ashtrays. This deprives your guests and is awkward for you to handle. Instead, use a silent butler to hold ash and cigarette ends or a large ashtray into which you can empty the smaller ones. A thoughtful hostess puts out filter and non-filtered cigarettes in several convenient places."

I'm sorry, I'm going to need to take a moment. When was the last time you hosted a party that you purchased a variety of cigarettes for your guests?

Oh, wait. "If you know that most of your guests smoke, it's a good idea to have several lighted candles around the room." I swear to God, this says this. "In some mysterious way, they help to clear the atmosphere of smoke. You can buy specially treated candles at most variety stores today, which do this little job even more effectively. They come in multicolored glass containers and add to the overall decorative effect in the room as well as serve a useful purpose. Most importantly, they ensure comfort for non-smokers."

Um, and then we have some more information. "If you are serving snacks, you should have plenty of napkins. You should have small stacks of them in strategic spots around the room. It's a good idea to give them a small linen napkin to begin with and then let them help themselves to the paper napkins, but it is quite correct to use paper napkins only. Nuts, chips, crackers, and other crisp foods can be put in dishes and placed in the room several hours before the party. Dips and more perishable snacks can be prepared the day before and kept in the refrigerator until you need them." And then in parenthesis, "good time savers." Again, make sure they are conveniently placed and within easy reach of each guest.

Coaster trays. I just I love cigarette culture. And here's some more of it. "Manipulating a glass, a snack, a napkin, often a cigarette, and trying to shake hands presents awkward problems to everyone. Even more so to female guests who are usually carrying a pocketbook as well. It is quite correct today, particularly at large cocktail parties, not to shake hands, but to acknowledge the introduction with a smile and a nod of the head. Even so, this still does not altogether remove the problem of dealing with a handful of food and drinks. One way to solve this problem is to provide your guests with coaster trays to hold drinks and snacks that can be easily held in one hand."

And then they go on for like another good while about different types of snack trays. Then we have illustrations of different types of snack trays. They recommend a non-stick surface. You should also consider having a beauty tray in the bathroom for that special party touch. And you would include items on the tray such as a new comb, a pretty box of facial tissues, a light cologne, and a can of hairspray. Place it somewhere prominent and convenient, and people will think you are a super hostess.

If you're wondering how you're supposed to greet your guests, um, we have three paragraphs explaining the importance of first impressions, you and your husband. This is only a host and hostess situation. They're very binary here in 1969, but the host and the hostess greet the guests together upon arrival. Then the host takes the men's coats and hangs them in the coat closet. And the women's coats get laid across the bed by the hostess. And then the hostess uh can also let the ladies in her room to do their makeup and fix it because of course you have to touch up your makeup. God forbid your [ __ ] face exists. I digress.

Uh once your guests have all arrived and are settled in with drinks and snacks, you can move from group to group. "If it's a large party, making sure everyone is comfortable and has what he wants." I'm sorry, what he wants. I believe you mean what they want.

"The host should also circulate so that your guests have an opportunity to chat with both of you. If you have a small group of six or eight guests for dinner, it'll be easy to sit with them during cocktails and join in the conversation. Trips to the kitchen should be as brief as you can possibly make them. Keeping the conversation going is always the duty of the host and hostess." I like hostess. I like the way that was pronouncing that.

"If you are an adept and relaxed hostess, this is not difficult. You will already have invited friends who have some threads of mutual interest to the party. It makes your task of keeping the chatter alive so much easier. But even among old friends, it's wise to have some new openers so you can add stimulating ideas to the conversation and let your guests carry on themselves to make a conversation."

Okay, so now it explains to you how to start a conversation as a hostess. "The bane of your life and the party is the guest who falls into total silence and almost refuses to be brought into the conversation." Introverts are the bane of your existence. Hostess be prepared. "But hey, never try too hard to get your party going. If you are relaxed and let things take their natural course, your guests will relax, too. They will get acquainted with each other and both general and group conversation will develop quite naturally." This is so funny.

Eating times. You'll have a certain amount of leeway when it comes to when to eat. Oh my gosh, it has specific times for real. Okay. Uh brunch is between 10:30 and 1. Luncheon 12:30 or 1. Buffet luncheon 12:30 until 2. Dinner usually 8:00 p.m. in large metropolitan areas as early as 6:30 in the West and Midwest. Guests are usually invited 30 or 45 minutes before dinner for drinks. For buffet suppers, 8:30 or 9, they can be served later, but guests should be informed. Coffee parties are between 10:00 a.m. and noon. Tea parties are at 4:00 pm, never later than 4:30. Cocktail parties are from 5 to 7, although personal preference can dictate the hours. In large cities where people are working until 5:30, hostesses prefer to make cocktails from 6:00 to 8.

Uh, then it describes seating arrangements where the honored guest goes, how to host a buffet dinner. "You can seat your guests in two ways at a buffet, dinner, or supper. The choice depends on preference and space. If your buffet is set up in the dining room or any room other than the party room, guests may help themselves to the food and return to the party room where you will have allocated plenty of chairs. Guests can balance their plates on their laps to eat. However, they will be much more comfortable and you will avoid spills and accidents if you just put a small table, the folding type, next to each chair. There are many styles available, ranging from the inexpensive but attractive to the very costly and elegant that can adapt to the style of your furnishings."

Uh, also tell your guests what to wear. "Friends applaud the hostess who is thoughtful enough to give them an idea of what clothes are appropriate." And then one, two, three, four, five, six paragraphs on how to tell them what to wear.

When you are giving a joint party with a friend, you are multiple hostessing and you jointly decide in whose home the party will be and you talk over and make all the plans together. They must be satisfactory for both of you. It literally goes all the way to G with points about how you both need to agree on everything.

Oh, here we go. What to do about the late staying guest? "Perhaps the biggest bane of every hostess. The biggest bane of their life is the late guest. It's the sitter who just wants another drink or wants to talk when everyone else is ready to call it a day. There are several hints you can drop, but they must be dropped delicately. You and your spouse can pointedly not join them in that last drink. If this doesn't work, you can start clearing away empty glasses and ashtrays and tidying the room. Or you can say in a nice way that your husband has to get up very early and you must be excused. This technique usually works when all others fail."

"There is one unbreakable rule, however, and that rule is that as the hostess, you must stay until the bitter end, even though your husband can be excused."

And when it's time for your guests to leave, your husband gets their coats if they are in a hall closet and you accompany women guests to the bedroom if their coats have been placed there. Husband helps with the guests put on their coats and then you help them leave. But you do not close the door until they are on their way by foot or by car. If you live in an apartment house, you or your departing guest take your husband to the elevator and see them to it. In the case of an unaccompanied woman guest, the host sees them into a taxi. "As the hostess, you are responsible for the comfort and wellbeing of your guests the moment they arrive until they're on the way home." That's so serious.

Uh, let's see. And then they have guest etiquette. "If you are a good hostess, you'll be a better guest. Always know the rules of courtesy. Be prompt in arriving and departing. You should come within a few minutes of the appointed hour. And you shouldn't linger when other guests are leaving." You should bring Okay, here I need to know this one.

A gift for your hostess. "When to send or take a little gift to your hostess depends very much on the occasion and of course upon your relationship with her." Sorry, my face is so itchy. "If after a dinner or a party you wish to show your appreciation and say thank you in a more substantial way than sending a note, you could send flowers with a brief message on the card. Correct etiquette is to send the flowers after the dinner or party. Some people send them on the morning of the day of the party. It's a nice gesture, but it's inconvenient for the hostess. She'll have planned her flower arrangements already and probably doesn't have a place for the extras. For the same reason, you should never take flowers with you. The hostess will undoubtedly have her hands full with the last minute preparations and other guests when you arrive. Send a bouquet the evening before the day of the dinner. That's permissible, although not strictly correct either."

Okay. And then we've got like another couple paragraphs about flowers. You could call. You don't always have to bring a gift, but if it's a weekend host, you should consider something for her or her children. "It doesn't have to be expensive. It should not, in fact, be expensive. It could be soap, an unusual plant, a selection of novelty cheeses, a collection of colorful matches, and several amusing ashtrays, or a fun cookbook. A note of thanks is necessary and any gift should delight not embarrass."

Um, and that is the chapter on etiquette. I think we'll stop there for now perhaps. I am excited for the next one that we will read together. If I ever come back to this, I mean, who knows, honestly. Uh, let's see. What will we maybe look at next? Maybe we'll look at planning a party next. Or you tell me. Let me pop her open here. So, next. Do you want planning a party, party themes, around the clock occasions, special occasion parties, holiday parties, special situation entertaining, table settings and centerpieces, party games or recipes for entertaining? Again, this is Better Homes and Gardens Guide to Entertaining from 1969. How to plan successful parties. Over 200 menus and recipes for entertaining. Thanks. I love you. I'm glad you're here. This was a fun journey.

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